The past few months has yielded some of the year’s best music so far. March and April were full of front-to-back bangers from all genres. Pop, hip hop, rock, R&B and anything in between; it’s all been solid. There’s so much stuff coming out that I wanted to keep up by writing briefer reviews on these records. I’m still planning on putting out full-length reviews for other albums, but while the iron is hot, I wanted to strike on a few releases that have caught my eye. As always, there are local Miami pairings for all five of them.

In no particular order…

SAWAYAMA by Rina Sawayama

I am a very big Rina Sawayama fan. Her EP/mini album RINA came out in 2017 and it is fantastic. If you’re a fan of Britney Spears and ’00s pop music, that project does not disappoint at all. Though, what came next was the wait. After hearing that record, I was foaming at the mouth for more. The way she modernized and updated the sounds of the ’00s with her music was very appreciated and her performances and production left me mesmerized. So this three year wait was a long one for me, but now that SAWAYAMA is here, the wait is over. It’s kinda not what I expected and kinda was what I expected. Her songwriting has improved, the hooks are as catchy as they were on RINA, but what I didn’t expect was how she pulled from a much broader range of sounds. The lead single, “STFU”, is, without question, a nu-metal influenced banger, specifically citing Korn. She continues to be inspired by ’00s pop on songs like “XS” and “Paradisin'”. “Love Me 4 Me” would be right at home on Control by Janet Jackson. I even hear Alicia Keys on powerful LGBT ballad “Chosen Family”, giving us her best vocal performance yet. Though, as many different influences and other sounds as I do hear all over this album, Rina is able to be unapologetically her and make these instrumentals her own. Producer Clarence Clarity does his best to respect Rina’s influences and artistic vision and runs with them; playing to her strengths. This album may slip under your radar, but I’m here to tell you you shouldn’t. If you like good pop music from the ’90s, ’00s, and today, listen to SAWAYAMA. It’s great.

8/10

PAIRING: An album so in love with the ’00s should be paired with a food trend of the ’00s. My research led me to some odd websites, but a few of them had some points in common. Food blogs emerged from the ’00s, but so did the “Cupcake Craze”. Yes, anything that could be a cupcake would be made into a cupcake. Cupcake Wars (which is a fun watch) aired its first episode in the last few months of 2009 at the ‘so-called’ end of the trend, but I’m not convinced this trend is over. Cupcakes are delicious. A trend is here today, gone tomorrow. Sure, people aren’t just making anything into a cupcake these days, but that doesn’t mean people stopped eating cupcakes. Turn your attention to dbakers. They’re situated in Wynwood within walking distance of Lagniappe. I bought my first cake from Dbakers in February for my birthday and it blew me away. They make my favorite cake in Miami, whether it’s in a cup or a full-fledged cake. What flavor cupcake? Part of me wants to say Chocolate Dulce de Leche Flan, but my heart says Guava and Cream Cheese. It’s delicious. The texture of their cakes is the best part. They’re fluffy and moist and soft. Everything you fear about a cake that could go wrong; it doesn’t happen. Plus, the guava and cream cheese they use for the cupcake is top notch. If you’re going to order a cupcake from anywhere, definitely try the Guava and Cream Cheese from dbakers. If you’re not a guava person, they have five other flavors.

The team at dbakers delivers via Postmates.

Purple Moonlight Pages by R.A.P. Ferreira

Rory Allen Phillip Ferreira’s Purple Moonlight Pages is a complete excursion into the abstract; both in its jazzy, wonky, surreal production and his stream-of-consciousness rap style. The title takes its name from a line off of Beatnik poet Jack Kerouac’s improvised narration of the 1959 short film, Pull My Daisy, whose title is also taken from Kerouac’s poem, “The Beat Generation”. From Ferreira’s image packed verses to the many poetic passages of songs like “DUST UP” or “AN IDEA IS A WORK OF ART”, it’s hard to take a casual listen to Purple Moonlight Pages without a line or two lingering long after it stops playing. “I desperately need to be understood, I desperately need understanding” is one that stuck with me from late stand-out “RO TALK”. Not knowing any better, it’s easy to conclude Kerouac lends himself to Ferreira’s influences as a rapper due to his dry delivery and spoken word tendencies, but it is Ferreira and not Kerouac that makes Purple Moonlight Pages so entertaining from start to finish.

8/10

PAIRING: I asked my partner to tell me what came to their mind when they heard this album because imagining what I’d be eating with this record proved to be difficult. They mentioned a cafe and sandwiches. So, my mind wandered and, while I didn’t think sandwiches were in the cards, the concept of a cafe did linger. The jazz samples, the semi off-kilter delivery of Mr. Ferreira’s abstract verses, the subtle Kerouac reference in the title, I was teleported to a jazz club. The streets of Downtown Miami have a few secrets to tell. One of them is Le Chat Noir. Tucked away in the streets of Downtown Miami, you would miss the club if you weren’t paying attention. Le Chat Noir is the latest iteration of the world famous venue founded by Rodolphe Salis in Paris, known for being the first modern cabaret in the world. One of the founder’s descendents, Alexis Salis, opened Miami’s Le Chat Noir in 2011. Now, they don’t really serve food other than a few charcuterie boards, but if I may recommend a wine… The Beringer Quantum Red Blend 2017. It’s plum sweet and acidic, but not so much so that it’s overwhelming. It’s a bit juicy, a bit dry, a bit tannic, very velvety in mouthfeel, but it all comes together for a very smooth finish. They’re closed until further notice, unfortunately, but Le Chat Noir is an establishment with deep history in the world of entertainment that deserves your support. Unfortunately, with this virus going around, that’ll just have to wait.

Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa

British-Albanian pop star Dua Lipa’s newest album is her best yet. The sound of this record is a hard left from that of her last, but it’s one that is welcome. Her voice on almost every song is captivating and crystal clear over the bright instrumentals that back her up. Within the genetic makeup of those instrumentals are an array of influences: disco, new wave, funk, house, but still present is a very poppy identity. The album doesn’t try to be anything it isn’t while also showing the world Dua Lipa has the range. It’s catchy, it’s fun, it’s well-paced, it’s influences pull from all sorts of genres, but the only negative aspect that can be tacked onto the record is how it loses its footing near the end. The hook to “Good in Bed” is annoying, repetitive, and it kind of blows my mind it made it onto the track list when the rest of the album is so much stronger. Even some of the weaker songs on the earlier end of the track list like “Hallucinate” or “Love Again” have solid melodies and hooks. Then there’s the closer, “Boys Will Be Boys”, which also has a bit of a repetitive hook, but the rest of the song just meanders and squanders the energy built from the first moments of Future Nostalgia’s opener title track. For what it’s worth, Future Nostalgia is one of the best pop records of the year so far.

7/10

PAIRING: This album is nostalgic for the past in all the best ways and I haven’t stopped listening to it since release. It makes me want to go to a dancefloor with flashing lights and sip on a malted chocolate milkshake, and while I can’t go anywhere right now, I can have a milkshake delivered to me and make my room a dancefloor. The best milkshakes I’ve ever had were at Vicky’s House in Coconut Grove. They’re right next to LoKal, but my favorite way to go into Vicky’s House is to enter LoKal, step into the phone booth on the right just as you’re coming in, and open the secret door. Once you’re inside, you’ll be transported to a different decade. Turn to your left, walk to the counter, and… Hm, they’re all really good, but I’d recommend the E.T Goes to the Movies to Watch the Goonies. Yes, that’s the name of the milkshake. Its base? Salted caramel ice cream. They coat the rim of the glass with chocolate frosting and use it as an adhesive to stick caramel popcorn around it like a golden halo. Then, they top it off with whipped cream, a drizzle of Hersey’s chocolate syrup, some Reese’s Pieces, and a Baby Ruth bar next to the straw. I am extremely allergic to most nuts, so I ask to remove the last two things. Creamy, sweet, salty, it’s perfect. So good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna jam out to “Levitating” and place my order.

Vicky’s House delivers via Postmates.

Melee by Dogleg

This album is blistering with energy from one track to another. It’s unapologetic in its angst. It’s aggressive with it’s approach from start to finish, but it’s also not afraid to wear its heart on its sleeve. Detroit rock band Dogleg crafted one of the best rock records I’ve heard so far this year. Sounds of post-hardcore, emo, pop punk, and noise are blended together with singer Alex Stoitsiadis’ powerful growls and tender songwriting. While nothing about this album on a sonic level shows restraint, its lyrics reach an impressive level of maturity through its themes. Self-realization, self-worth, fighting back streams of tears or giving into the depression that fuels a lot of the music on Melee; Stoitsiadis proves he’s vulnerable, reflective, and explosive throughout songs like “Wartortle”, “Cannonball”, and “Hotlines”. The thundering distorted guitars roar like waves of amplified static. The drumming fills each song’s atmosphere like the rounds of a machine gun; it matches the emotion of the instruments around it as if it were effortless. Stoitsiadis’ performance as Dogleg’s vocalist is the shining star to this band’s meteor shower, showing how well he transitions from emotive vocals to monumental growls. If you’re a fan of aggressive rock music, Melee is a fantastic record. Definitely give this a try.

8.5/10

PAIRING: Punk and its subgenres (except straight edge, which was staunchly vegan) love pizza. I’m sure you do, too, but it’s a legitimate stereotype among fans of pop punk and no one knows why. What I do know is that Miami has some great pizza. Frankie’s and Steve’s are classics, no doubt about it. Gramp’s has Pizza Tropical and they make some of the best pizza in Wynwood. However, if you want a more creative brick oven pie, you go to Andiamo in MiMo. They’re a little far and a bit pricier than Dominoes, but they’re so worth it. My personal favorite is their Godfather. Juicy Italian sausage, pepperoni, meatballs, onions, peppers, mushrooms, olives, tomato sauce, and topped with a blend of mozzarella & parmesan. Now, that’s a damn pizza. Let’s say you don’t like a bunch of stuff on your pizza or you don’t like meat. Andiamo will happily build you your own pizza. Their pizzas go crust for crust with any other joint in the city and they’ve been running the show for 19 years now. That’s amore.

Andiamo delivers via Postmates, Grubhub, and DoorDash.

It Is What It Is by Thundercat

Stephen Bruner, known to most as Thundercat, is an oddball and it translates into his music. Not only do we learn that through his eccentric skills as a bass player, but also from his silly lyrics and eclectic song structure. His last record, 2017’s Drunk, sounded, well, like the best kind of drunken experience, and much of that had to do with the album’s structure/flow as much as it did its content. 2020’s It Is What It Is is a more cohesive sounding project while still retaining the level of spontaneity Thundercat is known for. His skill is undeniable, but he’s taking himself less seriously here. He wears his P-Funk influences on his sleeve with songs like “Interstellar Love” and “Black Qualls” featuring Steve Lacy, Steve Arrington, and Childish Gambino. The latter song doesn’t stray very far from the music he was channeling, but his pronounced bass lines and subtle falsetto singing voice give it that Thundercat feel. Some of the odder suites are hidden away within the album’s deeper cuts. For one, there’s “Fair Chance” with Lil B the Based God and Ty Dolla $ign and it’s epic. Need I say more? “I Love Louis Cole” may sound like too left a turn with its very obvious punk influence, but a little known fact is that he used to play for crossover thrash band, Suicidal Tendencies. Comedian Zack Fox appears at the end of “Overseas” as a flight attendant noticing Thundercat wearing a durag, transitioning to the next song, “Dragonball Durag”. It’s about a durag and its wearer’s ‘Saiyan-like’ abilities, but I won’t spoil any more. I encourage you all to check out the music video, too. Elements of R&B make their way into the instrumental of “Unrequited Love” and the vocals of the aforementioned “Dragonball Durag”; like a way funkier version of Color Me Badd and nowhere as corny. It Is What It Is may not be as wild as Drunk was, but it’s still a good Thundercat album with tons of great performances.

7.5/10

PAIRING: El Bagel’s internet presence may be silly sometimes, like Thundercat, but there is a lot of heart and talent that goes into these sandwiches. It’s something you can tell from just looking at them. Seriously, check out their IG page, go look at some of these bagel sandwiches. They serve the classics: Bacon Egg and Cheese, Lox Supreme, and a simple slab of cream cheese. They also serve some original Miami creations like the King Guava, a take on a guava pastelito with locally sourced Florida guava, cream cheese, a fried egg, and crispy potato sticks. I can only imagine the taste and I say that because I simply haven’t had the chance to try one yet. These sandwiches fly when his shop on opens up every Thursday-Sunday. Scroll down their IG page and you’ll see many “SOLD OUT” posts. Whoever told you about El Bagel might be onto something and I intend on finding out this week when I procure a King Guava bagel sandwich. They’re situated on 6910 Biscayne Blvd, but remember: early bird catches the worm with this one. If you’re too late and they sell out, it is what it is. There’s always the next morning.

El Bagel is ONLY accepting orders online through their website.

Hello everyone! It has been a while, but I’m happy to be here and active.

This virus is affecting everyone in different ways. Perhaps you know someone who was or is infected, perhaps you yourself are infected, perhaps you were laid off or furloughed as a result of this virus, perhaps your mental health is not at its best right now. A few things:

First, if you’re infected or you feel you’re experiencing symptoms commonly associated with COVID-19, please call the Florida Department of Health at (866)-779-6121 to find out if you should be tested. Also, please continue to follow social distancing guidelines as outlined by the CDC.

Second, it is okay to not be okay. Seriously, but know that, as the late Sir George Harrison said, all things must pass. This virus, too, will pass.

And, of course, know that we’re all in this together. It’s not easy, but you’re not alone.

Moving on…

Restaurants are taking it as hard as anyone these days. Public space closures have killed the restaurant experience, and thus, a lot of their daily revenue. I love nothing more than to support the restaurants that make the food I love. If you love the food Miami chefs make every day, you should consider supporting, too. Maybe try to order takeout every two weeks. Avoid delivery fees by picking up your food with appropriate garments. This pandemic doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to order your favorite dishes. Takeout and delivery options are open for most restaurants in Miami, but I’ll give a few of my personal recommendations in a little bit.

As of April 16th, the Small Business Loan Program created as a part of the  Coronavirus Stimulus Plan has run dry. $350 billion for small businesses all over the country. Gone. Our local restaurants? Small businesses that needed that money. Not Chili’s. Not Chuy’s. Not Chik-Fil-A. I’m talking about Royal Castle, Chinese Guy, Islas Canarias, Eating House, and Naomi’s Garden. While I don’t know how many of them were able to access that money for their businesses, it shows how dire the situation is for those that might be on the brink of closure.

Restaurant owners need to take your orders. They won’t survive without them. The currently employed wait staff need your tips if you can spare them. Provided you follow social distancing, restaurants prefer you pick up because of the many fees delivery services charge per order.

Restaurants are not the only ones taking a nasty hit. Musicians are also suffering as well. Most musicians make their earnings on the road and COVID-19 has put an indefinite halt to live music. Many report that it’ll be until 2021 to see your favorite acts perform, but the show must go on. Musicians have made makeshift stages out of their homes and perform via livestream. This past Saturday (April 18th) saw Lady Gaga organize on her One World Concert as a way to fundraise for coronavirus relief efforts. Artists such as Gaga, Billie Eilish, Christine and the Queens, Kacey Musgraves, The Rolling Stones, Taylor Swift, Sir Elton John, and Sir Paul McCartney performed from home as viewers donated what they could to help fight the virus. Many livestream for free, with smaller artists asking only for donations as a means of recovering lost revenue from the lack of touring.

The release of new music has also seen a decline. Artists such as Lady Gaga and Sam Smith have postponed the release of their latest records until they see an end in sight. Many essential retailers like Amazon have refused to ship out non-essential items, which include vinyl records. The article linked was published on March 17. So, I can only imagine it did and continues to hurt vinyl sales since this took effect, but because I don’t have any real statistics, I can’t say with certainty. What I will say is that this predicament does give more reason for artists to hold off on releasing new music. The bad news doesn’t end there, though. The United States Postal Service is running out of money and faces the threat of shutting down. Yeah, the Postal Service is inefficient, sure, but if this were to happen, it’s possible that this could be the beginning of the end for physical music. The cost of shipping will increase without the USPS as competition. The Postal Service has always been and will always be the cheapest way to ship. Shipping prices would skyrocket for the consumer and the business owner. With touring at a sudden halt and physical music sales severely wounded, there’s no incentive for artists to release new music if the only revenue coming in is from music streaming, which is reportedly down.

I’m going to try something different tomorrow with our music reviews so stay tuned. However, I will leave you with a few of my personal picks for takeout and delivery given the circumstances with coronavirus:

KENDALL – I’m sure many of you in Kendall will be pleased to know that Tacos and Tattoos is still offering takeout and taking orders for delivery. A Google search says they don’t, but as of publication, they absolutely are. My go-to order are three tacos:

1. Garlic Shrimp on a corn tortilla
2. Al Pastor on a flour tortilla
3. Pork Belly on a corn tortilla

Their garlic shrimp are seared to perfection and every bite yields their flavorful juices. The charcoal grill dances and sways with the spices of the Al Pastor meat. The pork belly is fatty, crispy, and a little sweet from the glaze, but I make sure to savor every bit of it. The tortilla, whichever one you choose, does wonders to keep these flavors balanced. I stick with soft tortilla shells, but if you prefer something crispy or fried, those options are available and quite tasty as well. They offer a $0 delivery fee for orders over $30 and, unfortunately, are currently not offering their cali fries.

As stated earlier, Tacos and Tattoos is offering takeout and delivery through Uber Eats.

COCONUT GROVE – Ariete. I’m not even gonna sugarcoat it. There’s not much they do wrong, if at all. You want a burger? Their Chug Burger is one of the best in the city and a behemoth of a burger in size. I could go on about the rest of the menu, but it really speaks for itself. The joint is known for their bacon, named Beltran’s Bacon after their head chef/founder Michael Beltran. It’s a no brainer. I won’t spoil any details on the food because it’s that good. Why are you still thinking about it? I mean, unless you live in South Beach.

Ariete is offering takeout and delivery via their own in-house delivery system on their website.

SOUTH BEACH – There’s so many choices in South Beach and if you live in South Beach, most places will deliver to you if they offer delivery as an option. Lucali for pizza, Taquiza or Bodega for tacos, Joe’s Stone Crab for seafood and key lime pie, Cheeseburger Baby for a bangin’ budget burger, it’s really about what you’re in the mood for. If you’re feeling like balling out, Macchialina makes great hand rolled pasta. The Cavatelli Macchialina has tender baby meatballs, bright tomato sauce, crispy porchetta, and a few slices of pecorino cheese. It’s decadent without being over the top. No flavor on this dish is understated or overstated, unless you want more cheese. I can’t really help you with that; neither can the delivery driver.

Macchialina is offering takeout and delivery through Postmates.

CORAL GABLES – The Gables is a solid haven for food. Tasty, affordable ramen at Ichimi, creative brunch options at Doc B’s, world famous sweets and delicious breakfast sandwiches at Bachour, but if I had to pick a place for food in the Gables, I’d give it to Eating House. Hear me out, though. The prices there sway toward the higher side for a casual eatery, but they make one of the meanest burgers I’ve ever had in Miami. It’s on their lunch menu as “Angus Beef Burger”, which is underselling how good this thing is. It’s got what they call ‘frita’ sauce; a spicy creamy sauce I imagine is made with sriracha. It’s also got some killer onion/bacon jam and gives the burger a subtle smokey sweetness. Underneath the bun are potato sticks and crispy onions like a classic frita, but the stars of this burger are the bun itself and the patty. I’m unsure of the meat blend, but the flavor and juiciness of the burger tells you it’s quality. You’d think with everything going on with the burger would soak into the buns, but they hold up well and taste as good as they look. They’re butter toasted and stay within the threshold of toasty and pillowy. At $16, it’s more than I’m used to spending, but it’s pretty damn big. Can’t recommend it enough.

Eating House is accepting takeout and delivery across most major delivery services.

TAMIAMI – If you’re a Cuban purist, Islas Canarias. It’s hard to resist those croquetas. If you’re willing to dip your toes into something different but still very much Cuban, Amelia’s 1931 is fantastic.
I usually order the Korean Style Frita, a gourmet fusion take on the Cuban Frita… I think I’ve recommended enough burgers. They offer some excellent Alligator Fried Rice and Korean BBQ Churrasco Bao Buns, but if you’re looking for a sizable serving of food on a value, I recommend any of their bento box meals. My favorite is the Korean Fried Chicken, which includes a side of avocado salad, maduros, and white rice. If you’re a vegetarian, they have a Fried Sweet Chili Tofu bento box and I’ve ordered it myself before. Very tasty. One last thing, some swear that Amelia’s croquetas are better than Islas Canarias’ croquetas. Take from that information whatever you like, but I will refrain from taking a stance.

Amelia’s 1931 is accepting takeout and delivery through Uber Eats.

The Review:

A new Bond Theme is here. It’s not every day a new Bond Theme hits one’s eardrums for the first time, but the lucky singer who was hired by Sony to pen Daniel Craig’s final film as James Bond is none other than Billie Eilish. As if cleaning out the Grammys wasn’t enough for this girl, good grief. We love to see it.

“No Time to Die” is the name of the new film and the title of the theme. (Fun fact: there have been a few songs to notably stray from naming the theme after the title of the film.) It comes almost a month to the day after announcing Billie Eilish would be singing the film’s theme. She’s not the first person I would think of to do a Bond Theme, but why not. Well, how did she do?

I was hesitant to call the song great at first, but after a few more listens, I am relieved to say that she did an awesome job. “No Time to Die” is a somber ballad meant to foreshadow Craig’s last appearance as 007. When I heard the piano chords, I was scared it would be another “Writing’s on the Wall”, which I thought was boring, but I’m thankful there’s way more energy on this song. She has great chemistry with the music as it moves behind her voice, thanks to her brother/producer Finneas. The eerie strings swell as her voice sways from her soft raspy singing to her fragile falsetto. Then, just as she begins to sings louder, the strings do too. They get louder, they grow more and more magnified, but not to the point of becoming a pastiche of your typical spy movie theme song. However, there are instances that are characteristic of a Bond Theme: the strings, the chord changes, Billie’s big note, the horns, the slow guitars, etc. The song then hits it’s climax at the very end when the strings are at their loudest and Billie is almost trying to break belts out one of most impressive notes of her career thus far. It’s impressive. This brother and sister duo have done it again.

Does it stand on its own? Yes. Is it one of the best Bond themes? No, definitely not and that’s okay. Those songs are considered classics and the song isn’t even 12 hours old yet. If we’re comparing to recent themes, I feel this song ranks under Adele’s legendary “Skyfall” and above Chris Cornell’s “You Know My Name”. You are free to rank Billie Eilish’s own Bond theme among other great songs written for the films, but if you take anything away from this review, it’s that she did a damn good job.

The Pairing:

Shaken, not stirred… Not that it matters to me. I’ll be honest: I’m much more of a beer person. However, if I had to choose a drink to pair the song with a drink that wasn’t a boring ass Vodka Martini, I’d choose Beaker and Gray’s signature shaken vodka cocktail, The Halliwell. It has Stoli vodka, Cocchi Americano Rosa, ginger, strawberry, and mint. Ginger, strawberries, and mint work quite nicely even without any alcohol. However, the ingredient that brings this back home is the Cocchi Americano Rosa. It’s an Italian aperitif that’s a little bitter and aromatic due to the presence of citrus zests and rose petals. Now imagine that with the sweetness of the strawberries, the bite of the ginger, and the subtle tingling herbal quality of the mint. Round that out with some vodka and you get what sounds like a nice drink.

The one thing I’ve learned about cocktails: if it looks good, you’ll never actually know until you try it. So, go by Beaker & Gray and tell them you want to try a Halliwell… Just don’t tell them “shaken, not stirred” because that’s implied when you order one.

The Review:

In 2001, one of the biggest bidding wars for a rock band in years took place after the Strokes released their debut EP, The Modern Age. What for? Whoever signed them would have a classic. Their logo on every physical copy that sold would give them eternal bragging rights. “We signed the Strokes. Fuck everyone else.” You didn’t need to be a record executive to know there was something special about that band throughout those 11 minutes of music. For fans, it was only the beginning and the album that eventually did come out was, indeed, a classic.

The Strokes have not put out a record in almost seven years. Speaking of which, 2013’s Comedown Machine has a few hidden gems, but the record stands out only because it is their last full-length record in such a significant amount of time. 2016’s Future Present Past EP is a blip in the band’s history just as Comedown Machine would have been if they put out an album’s worth of material sooner. However, Julian Casablancas was too busy with the Voidz, and Albert Hammond Jr. was too busy with his own solo work. A string of shows in 2015 gave fans a glimmer of hope for new music, but that was soon dashed after the tour wrapped up and AHJ put out his third solo album later that same year. The band did keep busy playing shows over the years. They maintained that new material was on its way, but Strokes fans know the deal. Until they see actual music, they won’t get their hopes up. All that talk about who was in the studio with who doesn’t mean a damn thing if it doesn’t include a release date and an album cover, but now we have one.

“At the Door” is their debut single to their upcoming new album, The New Abnormal, which is is due out on April 10. The song begins with fuzzy synth chords reminiscent of 8-bit music. Then Casablancas comes in with his signature vocals that match the melody laid out by the synth. This song tries to do a lot with very little, but what those synths are capable of is impressive. They begin to flesh out around the 2:20 mark and work in tandem with Casablancas’ vocals. They’re full, vibrant, bright, and grandiose. They signal a change coming. Moreso, Casablancas’ performance here on this track is very strong, giving the song it’s extra umph factor.

The lyrics are, essentially, about a break up; however, the type of relationship is left ambiguous. Is it the break up of a friendship? A romance? A creative bond? It’s left uncertain, although if I had to infer and give my best guess, it’d be a romantic relationship. A lyric in the second pre-chorus, “I’m never gonna make it to the end, I guess”, shows Casablancas grieving about a relationship that is on life support. This is then followed by the second chorus, where he sings about how this realization “struck me like a chord” and how this person “begged” him “not to leave”. On the last lines of the song’s bridge, he laments, “we lost this game/so many times before”. A relatable sentiment that may resonate with many.
Though, my one true criticism of the song is in its verses, which I feel are a bit too vague for its own good. Yes, the verses serve the purpose of chronicling the protagonist’s thoughts and how he’s processing the events taking place in the song. Yes, there are clues that hint at what it’s is about. Though, I don’t think they’re not as cohesive or telling as the chorus is of its narrative, but I think that’s, overall, fine. It’s forgiving when the music is interesting throughout and the lyrics are delivered with the necessary emotion to carry the track.

This new Strokes song is not bad at all. I think it’s a welcome change. I think it is the beginning of an interesting new era for the band and I look forward to hearing the whole album. Most of all, I think the Strokes are through sounding like they’re stuck in the 2000s. It sounds like they’re letting that era of the band die and I think that’s a good thing.

The Pairing:

I asked a friend of mine to tell me what the first thing that came to mind was when they heard the new Strokes song. They said ‘creamy’. I asked them to explain why, naturally, and they said “because it’s kind of slow and creamy… I don’t know, Julian” I imagine those were in reference to the fuzzy synths heard all over the song, but creamy, huh? Well, this song is supposed to be a break-up song and y’all know what’s creamy and pairs well after a break-up?

Ice cream! And from where? Well, I’ve mentioned Cream Parlor and I enjoy their ice cream quite a bit (especially the Purple Rain), but if you’re not willing to make that drive, there’s a place down South I can’t recommend enough. Enter Sweet Melody Ice Cream and their delicious Bo & Jo’s Guava Cream Cheese flavor. Generous amounts of guava filling are swirled in with a cream cheese ice cream base. Now every time I have a guava pastelito, I’m reminded of that ice cream. They’re located right next door to Strange Beast Brewery and Pizzeria on the intersection of 72nd Street and 157th Ave. It doesn’t get any more Kendall than that.

No, they don’t have an indoor space, but they have the world’s first Ice Cream Ventanita. That’s right. Ring the bell and you’re greeted by the owners on the other side of a sliding window who are happy and willing to take your order. They’re also the only creamery that pasteurizes their ice cream in-house. There isn’t an outside force at work they send their recipes to. Everything you stack on your waffle cone or pack into a pint is 100% local.

Break-ups suck and waiting forever for the Strokes to release new music sucks, but visiting Sweet Melody Ice Cream doesn’t suck. It ranks pretty high up there with some of the best ice cream I’ve ever had. If you’re going to try any flavor, try the Bo & Jo’s Guava Cream Cheese. You’d be doing yourself a disservice not to.

The Review:

There’s no avoiding it: Eminem is considered by many to be the greatest rapper of all time. His early work has retained classic status and many fans consider him a GOAT. Throughout the 2010s, however, the quality of each of the albums he put out was called into question. The last two records in particular were a special kind of bad, though.

2017’s Revival was the first of two records released within a year’s time. To say it was politically charged would be an understatement, but that doesn’t weigh against it. I can go at-length into why Revival is the lowest point in Eminem’s career, but he spoke a little about that on his next album.

Kamikaze, partially a reference to its surprise release, dropped at the end of August 2018; his second project in less than a year’s time. What about it? Well, a decent amount of the issues found on Revival were not found on Kamikaze. This made the first quarter of the album somewhat enjoyable, but that soon fades away. There are a lot of reasons why Kamikaze is not great, but there is nothing quite as horrendous on that album as “Venom”. Here’s the hook if you were curious.

Two Fridays ago, he dropped his latest album, Music to be Murdered By, without any press. I don’t think anyone was expecting this release, but is it any good?

Yeah, actually, it’s not bad, but I don’t think it’s that much better than Kamikaze.

Music to Be Murdered By is full of impressive flows from Marshall; even moreso than on Kamikaze. His flows on the project’s intro, “Premonition”, and later on the song “Lock It Up” are slick. He rides both of the instrumentals with every hit of the kick drum and doesn’t waste a second. “Godzilla” sees him going beast mode. His flow on this song is super aggressive and super fast for the first time since 2013’s “Rap God”.
Em’s lyricism is up to snuff here as well. Sometimes, he’s clever, like on “Premonition”. Here, he sets the tone of the album, speaks to his haters and fans alike, and addresses rappers he feels are in a similar spot as him.

“Bitch, if I was as half as good as I was
I’m still twice as good as you’ll ever be
Only way that you’re ahead of me’s alphabetically
’Cause if you diss me I’m coming after you like the letter V”.

Or on the song, “Lock It Up”, he gets witty about his violence. He makes excellence of his talent for connecting references from one line to the next, but this is just one example.

“Took a stab in the dark and broke the tip
Of my knife off, but your throat is slit
‘Cause I’m cutthroat to the utmost with it”

He’s occasionally humorous. He’ll throw in a funny bar here or there like on the song, “Unaccommodating”, where he says “On my petty shit, but I don’t paint toes”. His brand of wordplay and skill for internal rhymes also make an appearance on songs like “Godzilla”, where he goes,

“Pass the Courvoisi’ (Hey, hey)
In AA with an AK, melee, finna set it like a playdate
Better vacate, retreat like a vacay, mayday
This beat is cray-cray, Ray J, H-A-H-A-H-A
Laughing all the way to the bank, I spray flames”

The one aspect I do find consistent in Eminem’s music is his storytelling. The song, “Darkness”, is in the perspective of the Las Vegas shooter in the moments leading up to the actual shooting. He is very precise with his songwriting as he sprinkles in factoids about the shooter and current gun legislation while playing up the drama. The last verse of the song, “Leaving Heaven”, is about the complicated feelings Eminem has for his late biological father, who passed away in June of last year. He really hates him, but he’s grateful because he wouldn’t be where he is now without him. He wants to tell him how his shitty behavior made life hell for him and his mother, but now he’s dead and Em wants to keep it that way. It’s a surprising moment of emotional transparency that listeners haven’t heard since “Headlights” off of 2013’s MMLP2.

The guests on this album are pretty on-point. Royce da 5’9″ does his thing as he usually does; his performances are solid. Anderson .Paak is as smooth as ever; singing the hook and rapping a verse on “Lock It Up”. Black Thought easily has the best guest verse of the album on “Yah Yah”. “Makin’ plaques outta they head like dead venison” That shit is killer. However, the biggest curveball on the album is Young M.A. no question. She gives it her all, and I’m glad Em gives her a spotlight because it makes for one of the album’s strongest verses. The song is standard fare without her.

The production here is a big improvement than what was heard on Kamikaze. The pounding kicks on “Premonition”, the laid back vibe of “You Gon’ Learn” and “Lock It Up”, the New York-inspired boom bap sound of “Yah Yah” and “I Will”, and the fast-paced nature of “Godzilla” and “Unaccommodating”. The song, “Lock It Up”, has my favorite beat on the album. It also sounds the most like a Dr. Dre beat because it kind of is one. The layering of the drums, the crescendoing guitar melody, the grandiose synths, all characteristics of a Dr. Dre-produced instrumental. The production tries to hit all four corners, but the long track list does hinder it.

Music to Be Murdered By is quite long. At 20 songs or an hour and 4 minutes, this thing can be a bit of a chore to get through. There are interludes and intros and little suites in certain songs throughout the album to even out the listening experience, but it drags on at certain points. Whether it be due to some horrendous hooks, uninteresting production, and tired subject matter, Music to Be Murdered By would fare better if the track list was smaller. I didn’t skip any of the songs, but man, I was so tempted.

The hooks and/or choruses on Eminem albums are hit and miss, especially if he’s the one singing them. Of the ones done by guests, my complaints lie with Q-Tip and Skylar Grey. First of all, what the fuck is Q-Tip doing on the hook to “Yah Yah”? Why doesn’t he have a verse? Then, there’s Skylar Grey on the song “Leaving Heaven”. I like the way the hook is written, but I can’t tell any of her hooks apart and she’s done a bunch with Em over the years.
The hooks/choruses he does sing wear pretty thin on the listener’s ears. The hook to “Little Engine” sees Eminem rapping the hook like the rev of an engine. “Little engine gone, finna vrin vrin gone/I’m losin’ control”. The temptation to skip the song during initial listening was strong with this one. The hook to “Stepdad” is one very straightforward sentiment: Eminem really fucking hates his stepdad. Simple hooks can work, he’s even written a few in the past, but this one is really irritating. Also, that first line that starts the song when he says “This song is about—” and then interjects by scream singing “MY MY STEPDAAAAD” is the funniest thing I’ve heard on a song in a while. Em’s singing on the hooks to “Farewell” and “Never Love Again” are grating to the ears. The best Eminem hooks are the ones he raps or has someone else sing. The autotune on the track “Marsh” sounds like a budget version of the kind Travis Scott uses on a lot of his songs, who Eminem is clearly channeling in the hook’s ad-libs and overall vibe. It’s pretty funny he’s using autotune here when he mentioned the following lines on “The Ringer” just a year and a half earlier,

“But if you’re lookin’ to get a porterhouse you better go get Revival
But y’all are actin’ like I tried to serve you up a slider
Maybe the vocals shoulda been auto-tuned
And you woulda bought it”

The song “Stepdad” is a disturbing fantasy in the perspective of a young Eminem plotting to kill his stepdad. There’s just something off about the track. Perhaps it’s the bland melody or the boring production, but I think it’s in the violent cartoonish lyrics. The hook is underwritten, childish, and annoying. The verses are super edgy as he takes us through every instance of abuse that motivates the climax of the song when his fantasy of killing him becomes a reality. It sounds like it was written by a fifth grader with a fucked up childhood, but I guess that’s the point given the song’s intro? The level of comfort Eminem feels talking about this kind of abuse is more disturbing than the reference he dropped to the Ariana Grande Manchester concert bombing. That isn’t disturbing, it’s expected. It’s an Eminem record. That doesn’t surprise me. He’s still the same tactless man he was almost thirty fucking years ago.

The song, “Farewell”, opens with the line, “For what it’s worth, you were a slut at birth”. I’m sure you can already guess what the rest of the song is about. The song “Those Kinda Nights” has Revival alum Ed Sheeran scraping the actual bottom of the barrel for a hook to this cut about a particular night Em has with someone. Here are a few excerpts,

“OMG
Like the gas in the tank, she’s gettin’ low on me
Said she wants to go with me
I said ‘Go with you where?’ She said, ‘Out’
I said, ‘I’m a candle, I’ll go if you blow on me'”

If we’re still at it, here are a few corny lines from some other tracks,

“Plus I get dough like Ed Sheeran, so call me the ginger bread man” (“Marsh”)

“I’m getting head like a Pillow Pet” (“Unaccommodating”)

“Gettin’ head in the bucket, Marshmello” (“Those Kinda Nights”)

“I look up to myself
Like a fucking headstand” (“Marsh”)

Yeah, I’d rather listen to “Venom” on repeat for an hour than this shit.

There’s a lot that Music to Be Murdered By does right, but there’s a lot in the way of it being a solid addition to his discography. A chunk of the track list can be cut to its benefit, a decent amount of the hooks range from bland to awful , the songs about Em’s love life are forgettable, and Eminem’s pen game varies. Though, this album could have been way worse. He could have rapped in the perspective of Eric Cartman.What we got wasn’t half-bad. The guests are decent, the production isn’t bad, and when Eminem’s verses do land? They stick the landing and then some.

If this was Music to Be Murdered By, we got away with a few cuts and bruises. Nothing major.

5/10

The Pairing:

There was a lot to talk about on this album because it was so long. I will edit this piece a notch in the coming days, but thank you so much for sticking it this far. Skipped to the pairing? I won’t take it personally.

Murderers kill in cold blood. Eminem has fantasized about doing this to quite a few people in his life, like his stepdad. However, if we were to think of him as a lyrical butcher, then there’s one spot in Miami I recommend: The Butcher Shop Beer Garden. They’re based out of Wynwood and specialize in meat and its many ways it can be prepared. Sausages, steaks, burgers, and the variety in each category. For sausages, they have bratwurst, kielbasa, Hungarian mettwurst, currywurst, chorizo, and that’s not even all of them. It’s honestly quite impressive. Though, I want to pair this record with a mean burger and that’s what I’m doing. I’m pairing Music to Be Murdered By with the Butcher Mix Burger from The Butcher Shop. I was impressed with it’s juiciness. The patty blend was made up of brisket, short rib, and sirloin, which is known to be an industry standard. There is a reason, though, as the savory notes of the meat come through with every bite. The burger was also topped with char-broiled onions that went well with the juiciness of the patty. It also arugula, tomatoes, and cheddar, but the star of the toppings were those onions. Delicious. The bun was tasty and also held up well even after absorbing a lot of the juices of the patty. Overall, a well-excecuted burger. Meat lovers and bloodthirsty murderous rap legends look no further. The Butcher Shop has you covered.

The Review:

Are you ready for 2020? Lil Uzi Vert is.

Today, he dropped his newest single in preparation for his long-awaited album, Eternal Atake. Given Uzi’s label politics, this album has grown to be one of the most anticipated trap albums of recent memory since Whole Lotta Red. “New Patek”, which came out in September of 2018, is Uzi’s longest single and sees him rapping non-stop for six minutes straight. It was quite ambitious; a six minute trap song might be a tough sell for a lot of people. For a while, though, that was the only material from Eternal Atake we had… until Uzi said it was cut from the current track list and then it wasn’t. The months following saw Uzi announce his retirement from the rap game and publicly air out his grievances with Generation Now label heads, Don Cannon and DJ Drama. Withholding their names, he claimed that his contract with Generation Now has prevented him from releasing new music as he pleases. In March, DJ Drama claimed that it was Uzi who could drop Eternal Atake whenever he wants. I don’t know, I don’t care, but they need to figure it out on their own. On April 8th of this year, he came out of retirement (I guess?) and dropped two singles in “That’s a Rack” and “Sanguine Paradise”. Both singles were just okay, but neither provided any news on the release of the album. Today, however, fans were blessed with a new single.

We still know nothing about an Eternal Atake release date, but the title of the single, “Futsal Shuffle 2020”, assures fans that it should be dropping in 2020. What month is still anyone’s guess…

“Futsal Shuffle 2020” is a bright, fast-paced, dancey trap song that was made for the club. Every house party all over the world will play the shit out of it. The second I heard the snippet of this song last week, I knew it would take over the next few months of the new year. The instrumental isn’t the only thing that’s fast. Lil Uzi Vert has the vocal agility of a kid playing double dutch, with his flows coming through correct with some cheeky quotables. Lines like “She suck my dick ’til she get delirious” and “I was fuckin’ on your bitch/She was riding on my dick, she ain’t need two pedals” are some examples of Uzi’s endearing charm here. He’s stood out from the pack throughout the years because of his skill behind the mic and his ear for melody. Songs like the Pharrell-assisted “Neon Guts”, “New Patek”, “XO Tour Lif3”, and his breakout verse on the Migos’ single “Bad and Boujee” are testaments to that skill. Here on “Futsal Shuffle 2020”, both of those qualities shine in equal parts. The EDM synths that are all over the track give it its main melody and rhythm, but what will help propel the popularity of this song is something else completely. If you thought the name sounded like a dance, that’s because there is one. It’s called, you guessed it, the Futsal Shuffle, and Uzi showed it off in a video he posted to Instagram on November 30th. Some research on YouTube shows that those who have accomplished learning the dance went on to say it’s quite difficult to learn. My guess is that large learning curve will be a part of the meme this song will bring with it, and while it’s too soon to tell, I have a damn good feeling about it.

What I do know for sure is that “Futsal Shuffle 2020” is a fun song with a fun dance that I cannot do, and the eventual wave of memes that will come from it will probably be more fun than the song itself.

And that’s okay.

The Pairing:

When you’re done Futsal Shuffling at Club Space or or Wood Tavern or wherever you go to dance, you’re probably going to be hungry. Here at Taste Notes of Miami, we get that. Remember, though, it’s not good to consume too many calories past a certain time, but if you’re going to eat something, we have the perfect late-night snack in mind.

La Moon Restaurant is within walking distance from Blackbird Ordinary on the intersection of 8th Street and Brickell Plaza. They’re open from 10 at night to 11 in the morning. I’ll repeat that for you: 11 in the morning. There’s no rush to get there, but once you do, you’ll find some of the cheapest Colombian empanadas in the Downtown/Brickell area. At $1.90 a piece, La Moon’s beef empanadas hit that spot. They’re not very big, but a few will take care of that craving. If you’re vegetarian, they also have a cheese empanada that’s pretty scrumptious. Just make sure you come back for their hot dogs the next time you’re in the area. They’re mostly known for them.

The decade is ending in a little under twenty days. I haven’t been this excited since Drake got a text from both Millie Bobbi Brown and Billie Eilish at the same time. So, it’s time to take a little look at both 2019 and the entire decade as a whole. Looking back, it’s funny how ten years ago I hated hip hop music. I was one of those dudes who couldn’t stop riding the dick of classic rock and looked to their dads as taste makers. I had the “rap is crap” mentality. They say people experiment in college, so that’s exactly what I did when I first heard Run the Jewels 2 in my freshman year. That being said, let’s talk hip hop.

I’ll paint the picture. You meet someone nice and ‘favorite rappers’ becomes a topic of conversation. Then, they ask you the question any hip hop fan should be prepared to answer on the spot: “Who is in your Top 5?” It’s, essentially, a hip hop vibe check. So, you list them out. They tell you they respect your choices. Then, they tell you their choices. Their first four choices are solid. Really. They’re all great rappers with significant bodies of work you enjoy and respect… except their number one. Now, when one of the two parties doesn’t ‘vibe’ with the other’s Top 5, it can become an argument with the potential to get heated. So, you try to say you’re not really that into— but you get cut off by their ramblings of how great they think this rapper is. They put forth their best arguments with a passionate tone and why they feel they’re the GOAT, but all you can think of is corn.

Yes, cornmeal, cornstalks, and ‘corny’ ass rappers. As long as rappers are rapping, not every bar will be as hard as bricks. Sometimes, a rapper can spit a bar that’s as soft as a kernel of boiled corn on the cob. The kind of bar that makes a person say, “… What?”

A brief history on the word’s slang connotation: in the late 1800s and early 1900s, the backs of seed catalogs would contain rather… lame or commonplace jokes. Sometimes they can be off-color and in bad taste and, in general, not cool. I don’t mean “not cool” as in “crossing the line” (although, you could also say that too), I mean “not cool” as in “lame”. Often these seed catalogs would sell seeds for all types of produce, such as corn. Thus, these corn seed catalogs were known to have corny jokes printed on them like the one I just made.

Within the context of hip hop, originality and credibility are what make up the foundations of a rapper’s persona and/or their mythos. Some rappers are hard; they rap about their struggles and how they overcame them. Rappers that fall under this category would be (early) Jay-Z, any member of the Wu Tang Clan that isn’t U-God, and Eminem before Encore. Some rappers are funny; they rap about humorous subject matter and launch the listener into hysterics. Rappers that fall under this category include Danny Brown, 2 Chainz, and not Lil Dicky. Some rappers are witty; the kind of rapper whose precise diction and clever wordplay gives the listener an incentive to pay more attention to their lyrics than other rappers. Rappers under this category include Kendrick Lamar, Earl Sweatshirt, Freddie Gibbs, and I can already hear a lot of you saying J Cole through the computer screen. Some rappers try to be one or all of these things and fail miserably. This happens because what they have to say isn’t all that clever or funny and ventures into “try-hard” territory. That’s when a rapper is labeled corny.

There have been enough corny bars throughout the 2010s to fill an entire corn field. Rappers left and right are saying just about anything hoping to get our attention. Well, if that’s what they want, I’m willing to give it to them, but they won’t like it. Before I declare who the Corniest Rapper of the Decade is, let’s review some of the 2010s’ corniest bars.

“I’m tryna move in my safe, like the safe was a safehouse” – Big Sean, “Dark Sky (Skyscrapers), Dark Sky Paradise, 2015

“She’s doing tricks with her pussy, I guess she’s a vagician” – Big Sean, “Alright” by Logic (feat. Big Sean), Under Pressure, 2014

“Why you gotta fight with me at Cheesecake? You know I love to go there” – Drake, “Child’s Play”, Views, 2016

“Semen on my space bar, fucking tired of Skype sex” – Childish Gambino, “R.I.P.”, Royalty, 2012

“Shout out to Asian girls, let the light dim sum” – Drake, “Over My Dead Body”, Take Care, 2011

“Rap is one of my fetishes, like a dragon that’s pregnant” – Jaden Smith, “A Calabasas Freestyle”, The Sunset Tapes: A Cool Story, 2018

“I’m the shit I’m fartin’, I don’t know how to potty” – Kodak Black, “Drowning” by A Boogie With a Hoodie (feat. Kodak Black), The Bigger Artist, 2017

“I’m the shit, I need some toilet pap-er” – Kodak Black, “Tunnel Vision”, Painting Pictures, 2017

“I’m the shit, babygirl, I got stains in my drawers” – Kodak Black, “Patty Cake”, Painting Pictures, 2017

“Shit on these niggas, I doo-doo/I’m passin’ gas like I farted/Boy, if you smelled it, you dealt it” – Kodak Black, “Big Boy Diamonds” by Gucci Mane (feat. Kodak Black and London on da Track), Woptober 2, 2019

“Fucked her in the ass and then I shitted on her” – Kodak Black, “No Meds”, Project Baby Two, 2017

“I’m the shit like I slithered in poo” – Hopsin, “Hop is Back”, Knock Madness, 2013

“Willy Wonka candy semen” – A$AP Ant, “Bath Salt” by A$AP Mob, Lord$ Never Worry, 2012

“I see fear, y’all some fucking queers” – A$AP Ant, “Bath Salt” by A$AP Mob, Lord$ Never Worry, 2012

“I’ll blow the brains out of your mind, and I ain’t talking ’bout physically, I’m talking ’bout mentally” – Quavo, “No Brainer” by DJ Khaled (feat. Justin Bieber, Lil Wayne, Chance the Rapper, and Quavo), Father of Asahd, 2018

“Nah you don’t want no drama, boy/I’ll eat a nigga ass like an almond joy” – Quavo, “Que” by Young Nigga (feat. Sonny Digital & Migos)

“Your booty is heavy duty like diarrhea” – Eminem, “Remind Me”, Revival, 2017

“You wanna know how I know I’m the shit? Cause I keep clogging up the toilet” – J Cole, “Disgusting”, Cole World, 2011

“Dick so big its like a foot is in yo mouth” – J Cole, “Planes” (feat J Cole) by Jeremih, Late Nights, 2015

“I’m hot, dog, catch up to me, nigga” – J Cole, “Apparently”, 2014 Forrest Hills Drive, 2014

“Martin Luther King would’ve signed to Dreamville” – J Cole, “Role Modelz”, 2014 Forrest Hills Drive, 2014

Okay, okay, a lot of these rappers are known to be rather corny. I would have included A$AP Ant’s entire verse from “Bath Salts if I could because the whole thing is straight corn. I will say, though, the hip hop game is overflowing with shit metaphors. Pa tum tiss. I’m sure you’re thinking, “good rappers are also corny.” No, they’re not, but they can be corny. Here’s a few good rappers being corny:

“Donald Trump, Donald Duck, what the fuck is the difference?” – Denzel Curry, “Sirens” (feat. JID), TA13OO, 2018

“My gun got diarrhea when it boop boop boop boop boop” – Denzel Curry, “Heartless”, 13, 2017

“Used to be my dawg, you was in my left titty” – Meek Mill, “Cold Hearted II”, Championships, 2018

“I’m the shit like my mama gave birth out her asshole” – Meechy Darko, “Vacation” by Flatbush Zombies(feat. Joey Bada$$), Vacation in Hell, 2018

“I’m on the toilet when I rhyme/if you the shit, then I decline” – Kendrick Lamar, “Rigamortis”, Section.80, 2011

“On my Proactiv shit/Pop dat pussy like a zit” – Lil Wayne, “Pop That” by French Montana (feat. Lil Wayne, Drake, and Rick Ross), Excuse My French, 2012

I wanna clarify that I’m aware Meek was referencing that Jadakiss line from a DMX song and, no, it wasn’t better when he said it, but see? Even your favorite rappers can be corny as hell. I imagine a lot of you reading this have had enough. Trust me, researching all these wore me to my last two brain cells, but even those were lost because there can only be one truly corny individual in this rap game. He goes by many names, but my name for him is Corniest Motherfucker of the Decade: Logic.

The bars speak for themselves…

“Who’s biracial only in his penis?!” – “Bobby”, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, 2019

“1-800 then I kill the pussy, who can relate?” – “Twisted” (feat. Logic) by French Montana, MONTANA, 2019

“I ain’t bipolar, Kanye make me wish I was cuz that level of genius the meanest” – “Pardon My Ego”, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, 2019

“1-800 made my bank account look like a phone number” – “Limitless”, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, 2019

“I ain’t playin games unless we talkin Fortnite” – “Keanu Reeves”, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, 2019

“I’d suck a dick just to prove it ain’t that way” – “Clickbait”, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, 2019

“I smoke weed so I’m trippy… get litty, get gritty, Rick Sanchez, get swifty” – “Lemon Drop”, Supermarket, 2019

“If it’s illegal to kill the pussy then book me with a crime” – “Lemon Drop”, Supermarket, 2019

“If you a crybaby bitch Ima fuck yo mom” – “Lemon Drop”, Supermarket, 2019

“I don’t sip the syrup, I got friends to lean on” – “BoomTrap Protocol”, Bobby Taratino II, 2018

“I feel like Thom, I feel I’m a fucking creep” – “I Love You Forever”, Supermarket, 2019

“I ain’t ashamed of my beautiful Mexican wife as a matter of fact I know you fucking with that” – “Black Spiderman”, Everybody, 2017

“’Cause I respect women/but let’s be real, man, there are some bad bitches out there” – “Mama/Show Love” (feat. YBN Cordae), Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, 2019

Well, I’ll start with a few things. Logic’s wife divorced him less than a year after her rapped the line about his “beautiful Mexican wife”. The bar about his bank account is in reference to his song “1-800 273 8255” about suicide awareness. Imagine bragging about how much money you made off of suicide awareness. You also probably noticed a majority of those quotes were from the two albums Logic dropped this year. That’s because Confessions of a Dangerous Mind is of the worst hip hop albums I’ve ever heard. Don’t let the decent production fool you, it’s legitimately bad. Supermarket is awful, too, and I chose those bars because they were rapped, but I acknowledge it’s not a hip hop album. These two records have some of the corniest shit I’ve ever heard and they both came out within a few months of each other on the last year of the decade. That’s one hell of an accomplishment.

If there’s one thing to take away from this article, it’s the dope restaurant I’m going to pair Logic’s corny ass music to. In my eyes, there’s only one place and that’s Amaize. Even the name of this place is corny, goddamn. This Doral gem is right on the intersection of 107th Avenue and NW 36th Street and makes delicious food on a budget. There is not a single item on the menu is more than $11. Is it made of corn and Venezuelan? They make it. Their specialty is in the art of the arepa, but they also make cachapas and rice bowls. They even make Sopa de Maíz. Want breakfast? They make breakfast arepas stuffed with eggs and cheese, and breakfast cachapas with maple syrup. Not feeling like an arepa for breakfast? They have breakfast platters. Hell, if you’re not feeling like having any of their six signature arepas, you can build your own! My go-to is the Shaggy, which has shredded beef and Gouda cheese. The arepa itself is crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside. The juices of the shredded beef and the grease of the melted Gouda get absorbed in the masa of the arepa and come together so well. I know it sounds disingenuous to say my mouth isn’t watering as I’m writing this, but it totally is. I can’t recommend Amaize enough.

Logic, if you’re reading this, please know that it can only get better from rock bottom.

The Review:

Billie Eillish (or whatever dumb meme name you wanna call her) has, in part with her brother Finneas, made some of the best music of the year. I wasn’t looking forward to her album earlier this year because I didn’t really care all that much for her EP, Don’t Smile At Me. A lot of the production bogs the performances down. It’s an okay project, but when her debut album dropped, my entire worldview of her music was flipped. When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? is a minimalist pop record that tells us a lot about Billie. She’s afraid of a lot of things, for one. She’s afraid of being in love and it not being reciprocated. She’s afraid of being lonely, not being able to communicate her feelings clearly, and losing those that she loves. She is enamored with iconoclastic concepts, like being the “bad guy”. She is uninterested with being put into a box, calling herself a king. Truthfully, it blows my mind every fucking day that she was 16-17 when she wrote and recorded the album. The songwriting is so compelling. Some of the topics present on that album can strike a chord with any adult double her age. It’s done in such a way that I also get a sense of who Billie is, which is a fine line to follow in pop music without sounding cookie-cutter and/or generic. For that, I applaud her and I can’t wait for what comes next… I guess I don’t have to.
Wednesday, April 13th, saw the release of her first song since the release of her major label debut, called “everything i wanted”. It’s about her relationship with her brother and how he’s the only person who she confides in, with the chorus being about him. In the verses, she desribes a nightmare she had where she committed suicide and everyone didn’t care. Other themes are about her newfound fame and the public not treating her like a regular person, which tells me this was written not too long ago. The songwriting here is still as great as her album. Her understated breathy singing paints a vivid picture for the listener to make sure they know the depth of the pain she’s feeling. For example, the first few lines of the second verse:

“I tried to scream
But my head was underwater
They called me weak
Like I’m not just somebody’s daughter” (“everything i wanted”)

I especially loved the way the production distorted her voice when she sang the word “underwater”; as well as the way the instrumental almost went silent for the following two lines. It heightened that emotion more than any other point of the song. A nice touch.

Though, on the other hand, the production doesn’t see much progression in its four minute runtime. It stays, for the most part, the same. It doesn’t flourish much or deviate from the main melody, doesn’t interact much with the vocals aside from the one instance I pinpointed above, nothing. Does it need to? No, but so many of the instrumentals on Where Do We Go? are so interesting because they were daring. The knife sharpening sounds and the vocal layering of the hook on “you should see me in a crown”, the modifications to Billie’s voice and the screaming samples on “bury a friend”, the way the ukelele transitions from being played to the sample of a pseudo hip hop beat on “8”, etc. This instrumental is very plain.

It’s a song I’d recommend at least checking out once. If you’re a fan, you’ll like it. If you’re not a fan, maybe Billie’s lyrics can woo you. It’s a little dark, it’s a little wholesome, but it doesn’t completely scratch that itch for me after releasing such a good record. Still, Billie is at the top of her pen, but we’ll see if Finneas can keep up on the boards. I have hope.

The Pairing:

There are a few snacks that are very Miami and should have at least once before denouncing the idea altogether. One of those is the Frita Pastelito from the Pastelito Papi at Chug’s Diner in Coconut Grove, which I’m pairing with the track. If you love fritas, you’ll love it. If you love pastelitos and eat meat, you’ll love it. It’s round and has minimal glazing, like a pastelito de carne, but it’s sprinkled with little potato sticks (or papitas) on top. When the crunchy potato sticks and flakey pastelito crust combine with the seasoned meat, every ingredient comes alive. The meat from the pastelito is made in-house at Chug’s Diner and used in their actual fritas. It’s quite savory and a little salty from the seasoning, but balanced well with the subtle sweetness of the glaze. If you don’t eat meat, the Pastelito Papi has you covered. There’s almost always a meatless option, like Peanut Butter & Jelly or (at the time of publication) Guava & Mamey. I know it sounds weird, but try it once. You might like it.

The Review:

Tahliah Barnett was once a background dancer for many musicians, most notably for Australian pop singer Jessie J. She was always approached by fans on the street; not for her music, as she hoped, but for her various appearances in music videos as a dancer. Politely, she tells them that it isn’t her, even though she knows the truth. She yearned for something more. The next time she were approached by fans, they’d recognize her for dancing to her own voice instead of someone else’s. That she’d make sure of.

The year is now 2014. After signing to British indie music label Young Turks, putting out two EPs, and a name change, FKA twigs is about to release her debut album, titled LP1. It is autobiographical in its lyrics, it is intense in its music, it is beautiful, it is poignant, and the slew of musical collaborators lends itself to the production all over the record. Arca, Sampha, Clams Casino, Devonté Hynes of Blood Orange, Paul Epworth, their touches can be heard on the songs that they worked on. This year was monumental for Twigs. Fans, myself included, wanted more. In a year’s time, we got more in the form of an EP called M3LL155X. An equally enjoyable project, with great singles in “Figure 8” and “Glass & Patron”, but its brevity was its only real drawback. Luckily, we were given a loose single a few months after the EP’s release, called “Good to You”. “I’ve got a right to hurt inside/So will you hold me while I cry?” She never did. Thus began a period of relative radio silence; this time for three years. It was then that she removed fibroid tumors from her uterus, which she described as “living with a fruit bowl of pain every day.” The only featured appearance she made (and to date) was on A$AP Rocky’s TE$TING track “Fukk Sleep”, but Twigs was only on a small section at the tail end of the song.

Then, on April 24th of this year, she released the music video and audio for “cellophane”. The lead single for an upcoming album was a taste of things to come— and come they did. This past Friday, November 8th, her second album arrived. At long last. MAGDALENE. How do I feel about this album? What are my thoughts? After a few days of marinating, what are my conclusions?

It may not be the catchy left-field pop record LP1 is, but MAGDALENE is her best album yet. It’s also her most adventurous album yet. I had no doubts FKA Twigs would deliver one of the year’s best albums at any point of any year, but I didn’t think it would be of this proportion. Almost every aspect of this album is flawless. Almost. Production, songwriting, lyrical motifs, overall theme, vocal performances; it’s, for the most part, stellar. Words become hard to describe the music because the music speaks volumes more than I probably could, but, goddammit, I’m going to try.

A majority of the production is handled by twigs and Chilean-American producer Nicolas Jaar. Other producers on the record include Cashmere Cat, Skrillex, Kenny Beats, Jack Antonoff, Sounwave, and Hudson Mohawke. What the listener hears on MAGDELENE is a very intimate and layered work, but it’s these layers that made Twigs and her music so fascinating to listen to since day one. So intimate, it feels as if she’s whispering in your ear, like on “cellophane” and “holy terrain”. Though, the one thing the production focuses on the most is her voice. No other aspect of this album is utilized more. For example, on the opener, “a thousand eyes”, her voice gives the track extra texture that the instrumental cannot do on its own. The producer carefully constructs the atmosphere, but just as they use their talent on the boards to create the vibe, Twigs’ powerful voice is trained in the art of restraint and subtlety. Her fragile falsetto cries carry over from one measure to the next. They act as building blocks where every song a new fixture. Without her voice, the producer has little to work with, but without any production to back her, Twigs’ voice has little to interact with. Certain passages of songs break up bits of her voice and piece them back together in more ways than one, like a crossword puzzle that has many different answers for the same word. There are little subtleties sprinkled throughout the instrumentals that perk up your ears. For example, the plucked strings in the background of the chorus on “holy terrain” or the warping bass notes on the outro of “mirrored heart” or the way the drums take the back seat during the verses of “sad day” before growing louder and louder.

The songwriting on this album is Twigs at top form. Titling the album after the Biblical Mary Magdalene (of which a song is titled after as well), there is a running theme of strong women in control of their emotions and their narrative. In popular culture, Magdalene is often called a whore. It’s easier to imagine her that way because she was presented as a prostitute via a projection from a story written by men. Thus, Twigs here on MAGDALENE is in complete control of her emotions and puts them on display as she sees fit.

On “sad day”, she describes taking a chance on love even if it means possibly getting hurt again. This is best seen through Verses 2 & 3. She lets her feelings get ahead of herself, but perhaps that is what taking a chance is all about…

Verse 2
“Take a chance on all the things you can’t see
Make a wish on all that lives within thee
If you’re foolishly in love with me
It’s a fine day for sure.”

Verse 3
“I can imagine a world when my arms are embraced around you
I lie naked and pure with intentions to cleanse you and take you
The city howls with a cry to seduce you and claim you
So it’s time
And it’s a sad day for sure” (“sad day”)

On “mary magdalene”, she describes what women are worth. How they remain the center of men’s desire, despite how many times men ignore them and try to phase them out of history.

“I’m fever for the fire
True as Mary Magdalene
Creature of desire
Come just a little bit closer to me
Step just a little bit closer to me
I can lift you higher” (“mary magdalene”)

She chronicles this using the lyrical motif, “A woman’s…”, in the verses. In order to survive the world’s obstacles, women must look out for each other and know themselves and their capabilities. History has shown men have treated women as their own property and crave a woman’s “sacred geometry”, sometimes with nefarious intentions:

“A woman’s work
A woman’s prerogative
A woman’s time to embrace
She must put herself first
A woman’s touch” (“mary magdalene”)

On “mirrored heart”, she describes an amplified loneliness she feels from seeing people who possess “mirrored hearts”, which is when two lovers see a reflection of themselves in each other’s hearts. It is because she doesn’t have someone that she feels so lonely, even after going through her painful surgery. While such loneliness can inspire a bit of jealousy, as seen through the motif of “the gain” in both verses, loneliness is what’s left after the jealousy fades:

“It’s all for the gain
It’s all for the lovers tryna take the breath away
It’s all for the gain
It’s all for the lovers tryna chase the rush again”

“But I’m never gonna give up
Though I’m probably gonna think about you all the time
And for the lovers who found a mirrored heart
They just remind me I’m without you” (“mirrored heart”)

One of my favorite tracks on the album, “fallen alien”, throughout the swooping synths and vocal dissonance, is about reaching your breaking point with someone you’ve fallen out of love with. Feeling foreign to the person sleeping next to you. The lies, the deceit, and deciding you’ve had it.

“In the blazing sun I saw you
In the shadows hiding from yourself
When the lights are on I know you
See you’re grey from all the lies you tell” (“fallen alien”)

FKA twigs is one of the most powerful voices in the independent music scene. MAGDALENE sees her attempt to expand upon her boundaries, but even then, it feels like a cake walk for her. Her extensive vocal range echoes long after the album ends. Case in point on the album’s beautiful closer, “cellophane”, which sees her swerve rather seamless between low and high vocal registers. A lot of the performances on this album are reminiscent of Björk and Kate Bush. Specifically, the way Twigs’ falsetto moves with the instrumental during the verses on “fallen alien” calls back to Björk’s Vespertine opener “Hidden Place” around the 2:20 mark. Even the build up vaguely reminds me of other tracks off of Vespertine like “Pagan Poetry” and “It’s Not Up To You”. On “sad day” and “mary magdelene”, connections to Kate Bush can be made through the way she uses vibratto and the chord progressions, especially on “sad day”. Side Note: the first line of “mary magdelene” (“A woman’s work…”) can be seen as a nod to Bush’s song “The Woman’s Work” off of her 1989 album, The Sensual World.

If there are flaws to be found in MAGDALENE, they would be found in its first leg. “home without you”, while adventurous in the way Twigs’ voice is transmogrified, the last leg of the track can feel claustrophobic and cacophonous. It gets a little chaotic as it reaches the end, but Twigs handles it by interacting with the instrumental and belting out. At its best, she soars with the strings. At its worst, it sounds like she’s trying to reach the listener through of all the strings. It really is impressive, but not a track I would visit outside of whole album listens. I also enjoy “holy terrain” quite a bit. I don’t understand the flack the single has gotten. The songwriting from twigs on this track can get pretty sexy, with twigs singing, “I am blue when the moon hits my skin right/Hot pink when you open up my sweet thighs” It’s a fun track and the Future verse is great. I love Sad Future too, twigs. The way he manipulates the auto-tune and bares his emotions. Future detractors decry his lyrics, sure, but what has sold it has always been the way Future delivers his raps. This particular verse reminds me of his Honest days.
The instrumental is more ornate than some critics and fans claim; whatnot with its strings and subdued drums. I will also say that the song does feel out of place within the wider scope of the record. On top of that, the way Future sings “I cry” in the background of the beat is a bit humorous. Sometimes it’s a little hard to make out. If you’re not intently listening, it sounds like unintelligible auto-tune. Maybe not as an album cut, but “holy terrain” is a fun sultry little song that would have served better as a loose track. T

          MAGDALENE is one of the best albums of the year. I fell in love with it. It’s an intense listen. It’s an intimate listen. It’s a very personal and empowering album for Twigs in terms of lyrical content. It’s overall theme of empowering women is ever-present; exposing her own realizations as examples to build herself (and hopefully, others) up. She also builds on a lot of the production with her powerful voice. So much so, it’s the main attraction here. How far can it go and what lengths can it reach? It feels limitless, but Twigs spends enough time trying to show you how human she is despite her inhuman talents.

9/10

You can listen to MAGDALENE on Spotify, Apple Music, and TIDAL.

The Pairing:

Women-owned businesses should be more common. Hell, empowering albums like MAGDALENE should be more common. It’s empowering to see more women owning businesses. There are a lot of men in Miami’s food scene, and as talented as they are, I don’t think there’s enough of a spotlight on the talented women that are also a part of it. Today, I’m going to put a spotlight on one of the most talented women in Miami cuisine: Eileen Andrade, the chef owner of FINKA Table and Tap. She is the granddaughter of Amelia and Raul Garcia, founders of famous Cuban restaurant Islas Canarias. Within the last five years, she has created an empire that pays homage to her grandparents in every dish; even naming her second restaurant after grandmother, Amelia’s 1931. If you live in Miami and haven’t gone to FINKA, something has to change. If you haven’t been to Islas Canarias, you either live far from them or you’re not Cuban. A Miami Cuban has already been to Islas Canarias, Versailles, and any La Carreta location within 10 years of life on Earth. No, I’m not being facetious, these are non-negotiable facts.

Enough about Islas, the dish I’m pairing with FKA twigs’ MAGDALENE is the Vaca Frita Japchae from FINKA Table and Tap. Andrade is a big fan of Asian cuisine, with her favorite place to travel to being South Korea. Thus, FINKA’s menu blends Cuban, Korean, and Peruvian cuisines together. Japchae, translating to “mixed vegetables”, is a Korean dish made with cellophane/glass noodles, soy sauce, and, of course, mixed vegetables. Sometimes it’s accompanied with a meat, but that’s where the Cuban part of this dish comes in. Vaca Frita is a Cuban pan-fried ripped beef dish that’s very often served with rice and beans. At FINKA, the serving of both beef and noodles is generous. Sometimes you’ll get more meat than noodles and vice versa. What you will always get, however, is the delicious flavor of the meat and the noodles coming together. The beef is marinated with lime, garlic, and salt, but it’s never cooked with too much of any one ingredient and the flavor of the beef always gets a space to shine. The acidity of the vaca frita, the textures of the meat and the cellophane noodles, the vegetables soaking in all the juices, it’s all done so well. Kudos to Eileen Andrade for founding one of Miami’s most unique culinary experiences and to FINKA. Wrap up all your feelings in cellophane noodles from that delicious Vaca Frita Japchae.

The Review:

Artist, mogul, fashion designer, singer, songwriter, father of three, hip hop legend, Kanye West has released his newest album last weekend. After many many pushbacks, it’s on all kinds of streaming platforms (Spotify, Tidal, Apple Music, Hoopla Digital…?). It is a Christian hip hop album; a first for Mr. West. Though, one thing I would like to point out for those reading that might think otherwise: this has indeed been a long time coming. The Sunday Service performances began in January of this year, which were initially anticipated to be for a period of two or three weeks. This has now turned into a regular occurrence every Sunday. He has also denounced secular music, admitted that he once considered quitting rap because it was “the devil’s music”, and announced that all of his music moving forward will be Christian. I can empathize with fans feeling like this was quite sudden, but there’s been enough proof available to show this was always a possibility. Even without all of this, Gospel singer Kirk Franklin appeared on “Ultralight Beams” and there’s more than enough gospel music sampled throughout his albums that this was a possibility. That being said, Jesus is King will have an interesting place in Kanye’s mythos.

The production on Jesus is King is more engaging than Kanye himself is. There are a lot of organs played, synths are all over the place, and the gospel influence is more prominent than any other project of Mr. West’s. It is still Kanye on the boards, thankfully, but he’s not alone. The album’s production credits include Pi’erre Bourne, Timbaland, Ronny J, and Francis and the Lights. Before its release, there was a general fear that the content of the songs would be mostly sung. Again, this is not the case, which resulted in some hard hitting instrumentals like “Follow God” and “Selah”.
After hearing the album in full, I can tell the purpose of the production on this record is to put those rapping/singing on a pedestal. When someone is on the mic, they’re using their time to preach, so to speak. So, when you’re going to be preaching to the choir (pun intended), you’re going to want the music backing what you’re saying to be just as epic. Thus, there are moments where the production sounds quite grandiose. For example, the commandeering snare drums on “Selah” during Kanye’s second verse or the loud hypnotic synths on “On God”. I would also say other big moments include the way Ty Dolla $ign’s smooth vocals were layered on “Everything We Need” or Ant Clemons being backed by a choir throughout the chorus of “Water”. It all fits the theme of the album quite well. I just wish it outweighed my thoughts on the songwriting on this album because it just isn’t there the way it is in the production.

On a lyrical front, the album’s themes tackle familiar Christian ground. Kanye preaches the Word of God and encourages the listener to live their life as a good Christian. Kanye does this by making many references to the Bible, as a lot of Christian music does. There are examples of this everywhere on the record. Most of them are good intentioned at best and platitudinous at worst. Part of that is knowing what you’re getting into when you listen to Christian music in general. Just listen to the entire second verse of “Water” or the verse on “Closed on Sunday”. Lines like, “I know Christ is the fountain that filled my cup” off of “God Is” or “His life shine the brightest in the dark” off of “On God”, the latter of which is a reference to Jesus being the Light of the World. There’s no need to go through all of them. Genius has them all covered if you feel so inclined to search up the album.
Here and there, Kanye also throws in some pretty clever references to A Tribe Called Quest and his own works, including the unreleased Yandhi. Most of the songs that would make up Yandhi are actually reworked onto this album. So, in a sense, we did get Yandhi, but it was rewritten into a Christian album and all the cursing was omitted. However, the first few lyrics on the album’s first proper track, “Selah”, tell you what this album’s conflict is:

“God is King, we the soldiers
Ultrabeam out the solar
When I get to Heaven’s gates
I ain’t gotta peak over” (“Selah”)

Yes, through the album, he tries to convey uplifting and empowering messages to the listener of being a good Christian, but he will take any opportunity to tell you he’s holier than thou. It is classic Kanye, but it also a conflict when you’re making a Christian hip hop record. Singing about God and the Scripture, I would imagine one would need to show some humility (or enough of it, really) to truly convince the listener that he has changed enough and/or was saved. Kanye doesn’t do that enough on Jesus is King because, well, it’s Kanye West we’re talking about here…

“Before the flood, people judge
They did the same thing to Noah
Everybody wanted Yandhi
Then Jesus Christ did the laundry” (“Selah”)

“Before the ranch, I had horses in the garage” (“On God”)

“I’ve been tellin’ y’all since ’05
The greatest artist restin’ or alive” (“On God”)

“Switch my, switch my attitude
I’m so, I’m so radical
All these people mad at dude” (“Everything We Need”)

“Told the devil that I’m going on a strike
I’ve been working for you my whole life
Nothing worse than a hypocrite
Change, he ain’t really different
He ain’t even try to get permission
Ask for advice and they dissed him
Said I’m finna do a gospel album
What have you been hearin’ from the Christians?” (“Hands On”)

Really, I get it, if these lyrics weren’t on the album, what would distinguish Kanye from any other Christian hip hop artist if not for the sound of his voice and, maybe, the production? These lyrics tell me that his ego is still very present on this album. Why wouldn’t they be? It’s who he is. Instead of a car collection full of Ferraris, he’s got a ranch that spans thousands of acres. He still proclaims to be the greatest artist of our generation. The hip hop braggadocio is there, which is a conflict when Christian music is often about showing humility. Though, they also tell me a few things, Bible bars aside. They tell me that Kanye feels persecuted at every corner for his political and religious beliefs as if being a Christian conservative is a “radical” concept. It isn’t. What’s radical is his support of a president who actually doesn’t care about black people, wanting to abolish Amendment XIII, and his beliefs on slavery being a fucking choice. That’s what he’s being persecuted for. Not for making a gospel album instead of the next great hip-hop album. That’s beyond the conversation.

This album would have been a better listen if Kanye spoke about his specific experiences with God rather than rap this plethora of platitudes that plagues the record. He does show vulnerability with lines like “He saved a wretch like me” off of “Selah”, but I think expanding on that vulnerability would have led to better moments on Jesus is King. For example, where did Kanye find God? What about it was so special? What does God mean to him in context of his career and what did it mean before? Why now of all times and what was that moment that signaled a change within him? What did this change feel like? These could have all been song topics, but instead, we were given a surface level approach to Christian hip hop with above average production. There is a better Christian rapper on Jesus is King with one of the best verses on the whole thing: No Malice. If you want a good Christian hip-hop album, check out his debut, Hear Ye Him. Him and his brother, former Clipse member and G.O.O.D. Music label head Pusha T, give the best performances on the album. Push attributes his success to Jesus, but also acknowledges his past as a drug pusher. He plays on the idea of judgement, but knows he’s no one to judge and isn’t changing soon. It’s menacing and he raps as if with a snarl. No Malice then speaks on his transgressions as a drug dealer and how he was saved. He closes his verse with the line, “Just hold onto your brother when his faith lost”. How touching. Their verses weren’t very long, but if they were, I’m sure they’d be even better. Actually, let’s touch on that…

          Jesus is King is only 23 minutes long and it shows. While Kanye put his mark on the music landscape last summer by producing albums that clocked under 30 minutes, this album feels unfinished. Knowing this album is Yandhi in its current form means Kanye has worked on it since last September. It’s ridiculous. He’s had so much time to flesh it out. Some of the songs here are glorified interludes. Can you call the verses on “Everything We Need” actual verses? They didn’t reach ten bars. “Follow God” ends rather abrupt. So does “Closed on Sunday”. “On God” could be a little longer. “Jesus is Lord” could be the outro to “Use This Gospel” in place of having that out-of-place Kenny G saxophone solo. It almost sounded copy/pasted onto the song. It isn’t that it sounded bad; on the contrary, it’s quite pleasant. It just doesn’t make any sense on the track. “Every Hour” could be cut significantly and used as the intro to “Selah” instead of being a separate track. A lot of these songs aren’t even complete ideas. It’s quite astonishing to see him flounder on these songs when Kanye has always been a perfectionist.

Jesus is King is the worst album of Kanye West’s career. It isn’t because it’s a Christian album, but due to a few creative directions he and the record take. He takes a songwriting route filled to the brim with platitudes instead of getting as personal as he did on his last album, ye. He delivers an unfinished album that could have spent more time in the studio if this is what he had to give after a year. He shows a little vulnerability at certain points, but his ego gets in the way of the message this record wants to tell. That doesn’t mean this album’s positives aren’t easy to pinpoint. The performances from all the featured guests involved are stellar, especially Pusha T and No Malice coming together for the first time since 2013. The production is pretty and, at times, compelling. The samples used are great and Kanye’s skill as a producer shouldn’t be doubted.

The worst thing about Jesus is King isn’t Jesus. No. It’s Kanye.

5/10

Listen to Jesus is King on Spotify, Tidal, Apple Music, and Hoopla Digital.

The Pairing:

When I used to go to church on Sundays with my family, all I could ever think about during the homily was what the hell we were gonna eat after. I remember going once to La Camaronera, another time to La Carreta, and even El Rey de las Fritas. Cuban families generally keep it pretty Cuban, but Jesus is King doesn’t scream Cuban Sunday lunch. My girlfriend, Emily, suggested I pair this album with a Cracker Barrel. The thought was ludicrous, but the joke stuck the landing and I found myself inspired. American comfort food was definitely the cuisine to pair with this album, but where? There are many choices, but my favorite is a Miami staple since the ’80s. The dish I wish to pair with Jesus is King is the Corned Beef Rueben from Roasters ‘n’ Toasters.

Their Rueben sandwich is not to be slept on. It’s packed with generous helpings of corned beef, tasty Swiss cheese, tangy sauerkraut, and Russian dressing (or pink sauce, as I’ve always called it). All in between two slices of delicious toasted rye bread. No, you can’t get Chik-Fil-A on Sundays, but Roasters ‘n’ Toasters opens on Sundays until 3:30. Always a nice wholesome spot for some good sandwiches and comfort food.